In the calling out to one another
Of the lovers up and down the sand
In the sound of the waves
and the cries Of the seagulls circling the sand

In the fragments of the songs Carried down the wind from some radio
In the murmuring of the city in the distance Ominous and low
I hear the sound of the world where we played
And the far too simple beauty Of the promises we made
If you ever need holding Call my name, Ill be there
If you ever need holding And no holding back,
Ill see you through Sky blue and black

Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
Theres a need to be separate and a need to be one
And in a struggle neither wins
Where you gave me the world I was in
And a place I could make a stand
I could never see how you doubted me
When Id let go of your hand

Yeah, and I was much younger then
And I must have thought that I would know
If things were going to end
And the heavens were rolling
Like a wheel on a track
And our sky was unfolding
And it'll never fold back
Sky blue and black

And Id have fought the world for you
If I thought that you wanted me to
Or put aside what was true or untrue
If Id known thats what you needed
What you needed me to do

But the moment has passed by me now
To have put away my pride
And just come through for you somehow
If you ever need holding
Call my name, Ill be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back,
Ill see you through

You're the color of the sky Reflected in each store-front window pane
You're the whispering and the sighing Of my tires in the rain
You're the hidden cost and the thing thats lost In everything I do
Yeah and I'll never stop looking for you

In the sunlight and the shadows
And the faces on the avenue
Thats the way love is
Sky blue and black

When you were small
I'd watch you play
I never thought there'd be a day
when you would be so far away
Sometimes at night when I can't sleep
I wonder where you are
I worry that you're hitting
homeless people with your car
I wonder if you're safe
or in a crowded bar
I realize now
that all the things you did
I thought were bad
were better than
the way I feel
without you
which is sad.
I think of how
you rubbed the lotion
on my calloused feet
and how you had to mop the floor
when I took you out to eat
I remember little stump boy
jumping on the trampoline
i hear the happy sounds you made
the day you tried whipped cream
I can see you washing matchbox cars
on my kitchen rug
I can feel your tiny fingers
when they're giving me a hug
I should have punished Sarah
when she rode you like a horse
instead I got the camera
the freak I am, of course.
I think about you every day
I miss you all the time
you have always been my favorite son
and I'm so glad you're mine
I still miss your white blond hair
I miss your big boy underwear
no one understands but you
and no one else looks like me, foo!
If I had one more chance in life
I'd skip the part where I'm a wife
I'm sad for all the things I've done
I couldn't have a better son

Dear Mommy,
I did what you said
I didn't even go to bed
I gave you the performance of a lifetime
I even found you your favorite drink- Pepsi with lime
We seemed high at Walmart
You gave me lots of food-including an Apple Streusel poptart
Max slept the whole visit-fine with us
You weren't even going to have a cheeseburger, but then you saw them and couldnt pass one up!
I cleaned the whole kitchen top to bottom twice
You even claimed that I was being nice
We had a real ugly photoshoot- a little too curvy
Then we spiced ourselves up and had one myspace worthy!
Made me watch a show called "Hippies"
And I actually liked it
It's what started our all nighter I'll never forget it
Still don't like your page honey
Please change it once more
Had to leave too soon~
And it sickened me
To my core

Dear Sarah,
Today when you first left
I wanted to cry
but then I remembered
that thing on my eye
So instead,
to feel close to you
my sorrow I hid and
I took a bath
in the same tub that you did.
I cracked open a Hansen's
and remembered the fun
like the cute picture
of you posing with the onion,
I thought of your unibrow,
I pictured your mole,
I thought of
reheating
the soup in your bowl.
We stayed up all night
to talk about dip
Then, just as the sun came up
we took a Walmart trip.
So, even though
on Mother's Day
I did wake up alone
And one of my two children
could not be reached by phone,
you really pulled out all the stops
and packed in lots of fun
to make my 21st Mother's Day
a really happy one.
I love you, Max, and Lilli
as if you were my own
I only have just one regret
not that you dropped my phone-
not that I didn't buy Dad
the green skull underpants,
or that I went braless for our dance,
No, my regrets are none of those,
I just wish I'd remembered
to paint your toes.

The first home that I ever had
sat on a hill in bright sunshine
when I think of it I still feel sad
and wish that it were mine
The slip n' slide glistened in the sun
in the place where Nardsy learned to run
those kickball games were so much fun
The Big X on the trampoline
the best fireworks that I've ever seen
Nards stared down the chipmunk grate
all day long till very late
The downstairs parlor
dark & cool
my babies coming home from school
The gypsy woman warning
that the fingers never lie
and when the leaves were turning orange
I'd bake an apple pie
I guess it always felt too small
where Eb was hanging on the wall
The front porch
where we used to smoke
and lift eachother
for a joke
It was hot outside
and cool in there
and we all
had terrible hair
The kitchen
where I learned to make
hardboiled egg
asparagus bake
Helga's baths
my secret room
a tornado came!
and through the gloom
our safety! i thought
a smile on my lip
but I still made Max
go get the dip
The boring man
across the street
and how we'd all go
trick or treat
There were real gross bugs
trapped in the side door
and the Schwann's man
always came at four
I learned
when I was five or six
to live in a house
thats made of bricks
or else the wolf can blow down the door
in a house just made of flimsy sticks
If I could just go back there
I'd even wear my Great Clips hair
those corny slippers and overalls
I'd even keep those mustard yellow kitchen walls
my family chopping down a tree
in our backyard on Shawnee.
Sarah said...
You were right about bringing a tissue, damn it and I'm at work the last line got me and the part about Nodszie. We were all hideous, fat and had horrifying haircuts, but we were happy, and a family. When we went back after we lived at 56th St. we felt like two big giants in a doll house, remember? That was weird, and the time those old people stole our lunch when we were there working. The trolly Nards would run on and we used it for under crotch toss before the yard was fenced in. Where we made our Mommie Dearest movie, and I remember who excited we were when the basement was finished. It did feel like we were the Cleavers. Max the annoying little Beav, me the responsible older Wally, you although not always in heels and pearls, cooked gourmet meals every night and waiting for Ward to come home with his breifcase. We'd gather round for family movie night, and eat out every Friday, Chili's and Don Pablos for about a year each. Max and I had businesses all throughout the neighborhood, babysitting, shoveling, housesitting, cat sitting, painting, trash removal, those were the good old days. I hope that in 10 years I can have my little Shawnee, Lilli in the backyard on the Alligator Alley, maybe a dog or two running around, some music blasting from the inside, and you and I, on the back patio, a chilled glass of sun tea each, just taking it all in.